


A Very Serious Affair

by coffeeandcream



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, there's like a pee joke, you know the one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 17:03:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15223745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandcream/pseuds/coffeeandcream
Summary: When you get down to it, Raph is a turtle, and Casey just wants to know the truth.





	A Very Serious Affair

Raph collapsed onto the bed next to Casey with a huff, his eyes closing instantly. A full day of training and an extended night of crime-fighting had left him exhausted, body and mind. He luxuriated in the feeling of his cheek smushed against the pillow, of his body sinking into the lumpy mattress, of his muscles finally relaxing.

He could feel his boyfriend’s eyes on him, but he said nothing. Maybe if he said nothing, Casey would let him sleep. Sleep was so good.

“Hey, Raph?”

Raph wanted to sigh in exasperation, or tell him to shut up, but instead he just let out a rumbled, “Mm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Mm.”

Casey paused, and then, so quietly, he said, “Raph. Be honest.”

Raph cracked an eye open at that. Casey was staring at him, determination in the set of his jaw, but in his eyes, Raph could see poorly-veiled apprehension. Fear.

Raph sobered a bit, realizing Casey was being serious, and nodded. “Okay.” He closed his eyes again, waiting.

Casey took a deep breath, and for what seemed like forever, they sat in silence. Then, very quietly, Casey said, “Can you pee out of your mouth?”

Raph tried. He truly, honestly tried to hold it back. But despite his best efforts, he couldn’t stop the absolutely hideous snort that burst from his throat, breaking the tense silence as though he had dropped a bomb in their bed. And once it started, it didn’t stop.

“Dude, shut up!” Casey shouted, pummeling Raph uselessly with his pillow.

Raph rolled around on the bed, contorting to avoid the blows, his entire frame shaking with laughter. “You- you just fucking-”

“I watch Discovery sometimes, I see things, okay?” Casey growled. He shoved the pillow into Raph’s face, a half-hearted attempt at smothering him. Raph pushed the pillow out of the way, wheezing.

“Oh my god,” he managed between cackles, “do I pee- do I pee out of my-”

“It’s a real concern, man!” Casey protested yet again.

Raph managed to take a few calming breaths, then looked over at his boyfriend. His boyfriend, who was taking this very, very seriously. The laughter burst through his lips again.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?”

Raph nodded, unable to speak as he doubled over.

It took a few minutes for Raph to simmer down to just the occasional chuckle, at which point he assured his very aggravated boyfriend that, “No, I can’t pee out of my mouth.”

Casey huffed. “Okay, good. Just wanted to make sure.”

“Mm-hm,” Raph agreed with a small giggle.

“It’s really not that funny, Raph, I have no idea what to expect here.” Casey gestured to Raph’s entire self. “You’re a turtle.”

“No, yeah, I get it.”

Casey looked at him suspiciously. “You’re smiling.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a bit, then Casey put a hand over his face. “You can’t tell your brothers about this.”

“Oh, come ON-”

“NO!”

* * *

Raph was pouring cereal into a chipped New York City souvenir bowl when Donnie wandered into the kitchen to pour some coffee for himself and snag a bagel.

“Morning, Raph,” he muttered, blinking blearily at him.

“Morning,” he replied.

Donnie glanced over his shoulder as he heard voices from the living room. “Casey here?”

“Yep,” Raph answered, digging through the utensil drawer for a spoon. “He’s showing Leo his new baseball bat or something.”

Donnie nodded absently as he spread jam over his bagel.

Raph stuck a spoonful of cereal in his mouth. “Hey, Don.”

“Hm?”

“You’ll never guess what Casey asked me the other night.”

That piqued his taller brother’s interest. He raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Raph cast a quick look at the doorway, then leaned closer and whispered, “He watched a nature documentary about turtles, and he wanted to know if I could pee out of my _mouth_.”

Donnie stared a moment, suspended in disbelief, before shrieking laughter erupted from him like a demon was being released from his body. His head hit the counter as he doubled over, and Raph clapped a hand over his brother’s shell as he joined him.

“What are you two laughing about in there?” Casey shouted from the other room, suspicion laced in his every word.

“Nothing!” Raph called back as Donnie nearly crumpled to the floor. “I just told him your, uh, hockey puck joke!”

“Nobody laughs at the hockey puck joke!” Casey shot back.

Leo came in, took in the sight of Donnie on the floor and Raph wheezing into his hands, and said, “Can I hear the hockey puck joke?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, it's dumb, you can ignore this.


End file.
